Thursday, April 24, 2008

Finally Feeling Better

I was feeling really good and then on Monday, the stitches sort of came out (I won't go into details of how, but it was during a normal biological process). As such, it left me with a semi-open wound in a very sensitive area and well, it was very painful and throbbing...so much so that I really wished I could have the area between my upper thighs and belly button excised altogether. I called Dr. B's number, they were closed because of the holiday, but I got a call back from the doctor on call (very nice man, Dr. Johnson). He was extremely sympathetic and told me that my best bet was to take my pain meds and some ibuprofen...which I let him know I could not take because I am a bypass patient, and he suggested Tylenol but didn't think it would likely do much for the inflammation (Tylenol doesn't do squat for me anyway).

So, since Monday, I have taken one dose of my pain meds after going to the bathroom (what triggers the pain) and that takes care of it for the day. I attempted work yesterday but the 35-minute drive was awful, and then I couldn't comfortably sit all day. So, I'm working from home the rest of this week, doing some online training, and it's more comfortable for me to take frequent breaks and I can take the dose of pain meds and not have to worry about driving (or being stupid loopy at work).



I bought a bathing suit the other day. It was on sale from Victoria's Secret, and I thought "well, I might as well give it a shot, I'll need one anyway." I tried it on. It holds all of my loose belly skin in and if I do say so myself, I look pretty fit and normal in it. I think I look pretty darn good for almost 40 (next month). No shame this year wearing a bathing suit in public.

There was some sad news for me the other day. A childhood classmate of mine passed away unexpectedly on Monday. He was 40 years old and left behind a wife and 3 young children...the youngest of whom was just born in February. Yes...it really can happen that we die and leave our children without us...and it reminded me that I made the right decision to take control of my health and weight with my bypass surgery.

There was a high school class reunion for my class last year. I wanted to go and see everyone, but I opted not to go because I was so fat I didn't want people to see what had become of me. I'm sad that I didn't go in some ways...I understand completely why I made the choice I did...and I can't say I would do it any differently now. But I am keenly aware of how much life I didn't live being obese because I didn't want people to whisper about me, how big I had gotten, etc. I really don't ever want to go back to that person again. I've struggled with head hunger these past 10 days or so since I've been home recovering. I haven't been to the gym, I'm out of my routine, and I'm somewhat bored...I know it's not real hunger...and I'm not aware of anything really emotional going on with me. I'm pretty sure it's boredom. I've eaten a lot of pickles this week. They are my munchy snack when water just isn't cutting it to knock out the head hunger. There are worse things to munch on. I just wish that head hunger went away forever. I know it doesn't get easier as time goes on. I have no illusions there. Maybe someday the struggle to fight the urge to eat when not hungry will lessen. That's not what I hear from other long-term post-ops, but hey, I can hope.

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Hi Amy,
I read the article about you in the Salem News and it made me cry. I'm so impressed with your courage and determination. When you describe how you were feeling before going sledding with your son, you reminded me so much of myself and what I am feeling right now. I know that I will get there someday and you're success encourages me to move forward every day. I also wanted to tell you that I think you look amazing in your new bathing suit!!!!!! It must have been an incredible feeling to walk into Victoria Secret and purchase a bathing suit, way to go!! I hope you're finally healing and things are going well for your son.
Take care!
Jenn

Stephie Says..... said...

I saw you at the meeting tonight and took a look at your BLOG...I went back to your pre op pics. OMG! U LOOK SO FAB....I only know you skinny and can not imagine that was you. You are an inspiration. Keep up the awesome work. You truly are a modivation and I want to DO IT TOO! Thanks for your candidness and sharing, it takes alot to open up. XOXOXO

Kim said...

Hi Amy! Found you through the Salem News as well and wanted to pop in and do some reading. You look fantastic!

I'm a brand new post-op; two weeks out tomorrow and I feel fabulous. I'm actually a little floored that I actually had surgery because I feel so close to normal!

I'll be following you!

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy,

I saw your article in the Salem news and I have to say, describes what I've been through, well except your most recent surgery, all these years. I had my surgery way back before it got popular! It was in 1999 and I weighed 299 lbs. I didn't have the advantage tho of classes telling me what to do, like food journals and the like. I have lost a total of 149 lbs and put back on 15 lbs. at the urging of family. I have managed to maintain the loss--giving myself just 5 lbs before I get back on track and loose it. I too worry that I might gain it back so I am really careful with food. But I don't get hungry ever, which helps. So, hang in there--there will be so many more firsts for you!

Stay healthy!
Sue