Thursday, April 10, 2008

Dating Really Stinks

For several years now, I've been on several online dating sites. I've had minimal success. Recently I decided to up my age limit for the men I even consider dating. The younger ones don't seem to be working out for me, so I thought maybe going older might be a good idea. Well, after corresponding with one for a couple of weeks, I guess my lack of availability at any time was a problem. Haven't heard from him since he asked me how much time I'm able to find for myself with my child. My son is with me full time when I'm not working, and on the every other Saturday for 8 or 9 hours that he's with his dad. So, my time solo is pretty limited...but I can arrange for a sitter and such when needed for a date or whatever. Apparently, this isn't good enough for some. Ok, fine, movin' on.

That brings me to the latest match. We'd been emailing for about 2 weeks and had lunch last Saturday. He seemed like a nice enough guy, though there were a few little things that I wondered about (little red flags)...but I have learned not to trust my own judgment (though I really am beginning to wonder why that is, because if I go on my gut at the start, I'd be much better off). This man talked about his ex-wife and her mistreatment of his daughters for 2.5 hours. And while I can sympathize with the difficulty and heartache this must cause for him, I really didn't want to hear about his ex-wife for 2.5 hours. And then there were the little comments about how all women are controlling. And he questioned me as to why I felt my son needed a "Big Brother". That one came home to roost in a big way after our date when he asked me out again. And I declined for the time he gave me...I was considering meeting him once more to see if maybe it was just nerves that caused him to talk about his ex so profusely.

Apparently, my unwillingness to bring my 7 year old son on a date with this guy the first or second time I've met him bothered him. I was told I am an overprotective mother, not letting my son share the company of an adult male that I meet, so what if he's not going to be there forever, I'm depriving him of the opportunity for strength, love, joy and independence. Wow. All that, because I said I don't introduce my kid to the guys I date unless and until I think it's going to be something serious. Holy cow...he summed me right up...NOT. I'll spare you all the details but suffice it to say that he put down my mothering, apparently thought that one date constituted a "relationship" that I was ending upon the first instance of me not agreeing with him, and he dissed my (not so perfect, but who's is?) family...oh, and he said I'm a little "broken." I had no idea I was broken.

Needless to say, I told him I was moving on and I would suggest he did the same. But can I share a funny part of our date (at least funny to me)? While we were standing outside, and I was glazing over as he talked, I saw my reflection in the glass windows of the restaurant. And I thought "wow, am I really that little?" Because I looked little...even to me. Maybe it was the dark glass...maybe it was looking for a positive in a dismal situation, but I felt petite. And it was a very cool feeling.

On another note, I had my pre-op testing this week. The woman who did my pre-op testing didn't see the part about me having had GBP surgery and when I mentioned it she said "do you mind my asking how much you've lost?" I told her it was just under 120 lbs. since I started Risk Reduction. She said "WOW! That's a whole YOU!" And it almost is. She said "and I don't mean this to sound wrong but, well, you just look hanging skin, etc." And we talked a little about how well my skin has fared and how exercise has really helped with good muscle tone and shape. It was really a very feel-good moment. And yesterday was my 9 month surgiversary. Very hard to believe it's been 9 months on this journey. It feels like it wasn't that long ago...and yet also feels like a lifetime away.

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