Thursday, February 21, 2008

Calorie Intake Upped to 1200

It is just about 6 months out for me and I've been told my calorie intake can now be "up to" 1200. I was always under 1000 up until now.

And I realized at Christmas time that I was just wholly unsatisfied at most meals. I can (and have been able to for a while) eat 4 oz. of dense protein. It scares me how much I can eat now. I know I make good choices...but I eat pretty much like a normal person...makes me wonder if I screwed up somehow, that I've pushed it without realizing it. I mean, if I pushed it, would I have felt sick more often? Would I have puked more? Would I have felt grossly full? In my head I hear Melinda telling me "preserve the pouch, preserve the pouch" and I wonder if I've failed at that, and that is why I needed to up my calories and intake to feel satisfied. And I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but the truth is it is hard not to. When other folks who are further out than I am are eating less than I am and feeling stuffed, what did I do to myself?

If I'm like this at 7.5 months out, where will I be at 2 years out? 5 years out? I have never maintained a weight loss for more than a year...and it scares the absolutely bejeezus out of me that I could potentially fail even with surgical intervention. I'm not one who is prone to thinking negatively about this I won't dwell on it. But the thoughts are definitely there.

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