Thursday, June 5, 2008

The Mental Battle

These past couple of weeks, I am doing some kind of serious mental battle...and I have no idea what or why. I want to eat constantly. I never feel full. I have done just fine with not giving in to the urges...but I'm really feeling quite frustrated with where they are coming from. I figure there must be something emotionally going on with me that I am feeling this driven to eat, but all of my attempts to figure out what are fruitless. Do you think even with therapy, support, the tool, we are able to ever truly figure out all of our food issues and conquer them? I'm terrified that, at 11 months out, I'm going to start to fail. The only "basis" I have for this is past experience...and I know that circumstances, because of my surgery, have never before been what they are now. My success or failure is really entirely dependent upon me and utilizing my tool. I am doing this. But I just feel so anxious and scared. Is this normal for folks approaching a year out? Nearing maintenance?

I'm glad I will see Dr. B and Melinda/Mary Ellen next month for my one year follow up. And I'm really glad we have support group in another couple of weeks. I feel whacked in the head lately, and I honestly have no idea why. :(

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