Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Head Hunger

I don't know why this transpired, but it did. I'm guessing I let myself get too hungry, too tired, etc. Last night my son and I picked up a pizza and chicken kabob salad on the way home from his well-child visit (which was ridiculously was 6:30 p.m. when we left the doc's office). Good news on that little peanut (who just turned 7) weighed 40 lbs. (yes, that's up for him) and is 44.75 inches tall (up 1.75 inches in the past year). He's holding his own on his growth chart (5th percentile for weight, 10th for height) without medication to stimulate his appetite (yup, he had to take medicine for 5 years to stimulate his appetite so he'd eat enough to just grow, and this is my kid???).

Anyway...we stopped and picked up pizza (for him) and salad (for me). It was a small pizza, 12 inches in diameter. He ate 2 pieces and had some salad. I picked at the salad, but I really wanted pizza. So, I had one piece. It was ok...not great, but ok. Then I did something really stupid and had another piece. And stupider still, I had yet another. So 3 pieces of this small pizza...and I felt awful. Just truly awful and there was just no good reason (no emotion I could place or anything) as to why I was continuing to eat it. I felt bloated, my heart was pounding, and I got a bit sweaty and ridiculously fatigued. So bad in fact that at 8:30 I told my son we were going to bed because I didn't feel well. I felt nauseous but not so much so that I knew I'd puke. After laying down, and apparently conking out (more like passing out, think of having three drinks too many because that’s how I felt), my son was talking to me at one point...and I was very incoherent...felt like I do when I take my Ambien to help me sleep, but I hadn't. It was very, very disconcerting. I haven't really had any intestinal distress or anything...except for horrible gas and the nausea last night...but I am scratching my head today saying "what the heck was THAT???????"

So there it is...I really can only guess that I was much too hungry and tired last night by the time I got around to eating...that my head hunger took way the heck over. I think we're all bogged down with our insecurities sometimes. And it's a mental battle to dismiss them from our minds and do our best to enjoy the opportunities that arise for us without the anguish. I have to remind myself that I’m going to live life to the fullest, and take advantage of the opportunities before me, regardless of what I think the outcome may be, because I just never really know. Then I try to remind myself that it just ain't livin' unless you're feeling all feelings are signs that I’m alive and experiencing life. It will be ok...truly it will.

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