Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Onward and Upward

On one of the OH boards today, someone commented on how this IS easy...easier than it has ever been. And so, she wondered "did I in fact take the easy way out?"

The losing part WAS easier (for me) with the surgery than it ever was before. It gave me the ability to manage my appetite and portions without constantly feeling deprived/hungry. I do (and have since being a pre-op) work out regularly at a pretty intense level. I also waited (not by choice) about 9 months from the time I started the process to have surgery to when I actually had my surgery and had many hoops to jump through for surgery to happen.

With that said, know that maintenace is a different ball game's hard. Your ability to eat more, fall into old habits if not diligent, stop food journaling, not exercise, test the boundaries of tolerable foods more and more occurs as you get more comfortable with your new plumbing, in my opinion. That, combined with not having the losing of weight to motivate you and needing to find different motivation to keep on track, makes things more of a "head" game than a physical game. It is a difficult head game at that. But the head game ultimately affects the physical if we let it. And that, for me, has been much harder.

My goals have changed. I focus on staying physically in shape, keeping my body looking as good as it can and feeling as good as it can. That involves regular exercise and eating properly. I have definitely been struggling with this the past couple of months. I have felt physically and emotionally pretty cruddy as a result. My weight went over my "acceptable" (to me) 2 lb. fluctuation this week. That means that the indiscretions with food choices, amounts and not exercising must come to a halt. Period, end of story. I will NOT become obese again. No way, no how.

This Saturday, I will run my first 5K with Martha...she inspires me. I'm terrified...I am. Terrified that pain in my joints will completely hamper me. I need to stop thinking this way but it's hard. I first injured my knees back in 1997 running on pavement. I have had two knee surgeries since, and haven't run outdoors since then either. I have only trained indoors on a treadmill. But, this is a goal for that I think is very worthwhile and will help keep me moving forward, focusing on the positive changes in my life since having RNY. It's all about the goals and motivation and finding what works over the long haul.


GastricGirl said...

I agree completely.. The weight loss was a breeze, but once you hit the point where you aren't losing weight via the surgery anymore, you have to deal with what got you overweight in the first place. It's a constant inner battle for me, but I refuse to let myself re-gain the weight, and I will do this for me! :)

Jamie said...

Amy, I love reading your blog. You are a great encouragement. Keep blogging!