Monday, May 5, 2008

Cinco de Mayo

Lots of folks are celebrating today as Cinco de Mayo. In our household, this is the anniversary of my mom's death. She died two years ago today, at about 6:50 p.m. We scattered her ashes in the Atlantic Ocean on the one year anniversary of her death. I've thought of her quite a bit's really hard to believe it's already been two years. So much has changed in that time.

Zachary started school full time. He's playing baseball for the first time. Opening day was Saturday and he looked so darn cute in his uniform. Isn't he just the cutest?

I've made huge changes in my lifestyle and shed well over 100 lbs. I am venturing forth into the dating world, even if somewhat cautiously at times. She'd be proud of us both and how we've handled our lives and the changes in it.

Yesterday, my friend Tammy came over and led a guided meditation with me with the hopes of making a connection with my mom's spirit. And I think we were somewhat successful as I could very vividly hear in my mind a song my mom used to play on the piano from Paint Your Wagon called "I Talk To The Trees." There is no other reason that this song would have started sounding in my head and so that was kind of cool. The bag of scarves that was my mom's no longer smells like her. It did for a very long time...but yesterday, when I took one of the scarves out to have with me during our meditation, the smell was gone, and that made me feel a bit sad.

I wonder if some of the changes I have made that have affected my attitudes and moods and self-confidence would have improved our relationship at all. And it's really a pointless train of thought to go on, but nonetheless my brain goes there from time to time.

Yesterday when Tammy and I were out on my balcony, we noticed that a dove had built a nest and laid an egg in an ashtray that is out on the balcony. Today, there were two eggs. I guess we'll watch and wait to see if they hatch in time. Spring really is trying to spring around here...even if the weather has been cold and damp. No matter what the anniversary is, the cycle of life always just continues on. And as hard as that is sometimes, I know it's a good and necessary thing. Time heals and fades pain.

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