Time to Kick Some Butt

My own, that is. It's been a while since I've written...for many, many reasons. The holiday season was very busy with family, friends, and travel. Now that things are a bit more settled, it's probably good for me to write about some of it...been thinking about writing for a while but well, some of what's been going on is really a struggle for me and "talking" about it publicly, well, even more difficult.

Along with the holidays came extra food, not great food choices all the time, and plenty of alcohol...along with lack of regular exercise. There have been so many stresses lately as well. Continued layoffs and restructuring/reorganization at work, uncertainty of my future here, issues with parenting and co-parenting, loneliness...and how to cope with all of it.

I'm handling things but admittedly, at the end of the day, when the child is in bed, it's a bit overwhelming if I think about it all...and so, I've needed some distance from the emotions. It's impossible to shut them off, but I've definitely found that a drink (or two, or three, or four) can definitely blunt their impact on me and make them more tolerable. Not a good habit to get into, for so many reasons. And I'm up about 15 lbs. from where I'd like to be.

I've discussed the alcohol and food consumption in counseling, with my PCP and with Pat...and I see Melinda this week. Do I need substance abuse counseling? No, I don't think so...but I do think I need to get a grip and regain the consistency of good habits I've had before now. So, I've been honest with all of my medical professionals, friends, supports...and I'm trying to regain some balance...with food, with alcohol, with exercise. I have a triathlon to train for. I cannot return to where I was...it's simply not an option.

My clothes aren't fitting as they should. I do not feel good about my body. I am not taking care of my body the way I should be. So I'm reminding myself why it is I had this surgery...so I would live to see my son grow up...raise him. I need to hold onto that...remember it...and tackle the tasks that lead to that goal one by one. And tomorrow night, Martha and I will attend the celebration for being 2009 Road Race Series Finishers...maybe that will help my motivation...remembering the goal we accomplished together.

The reason I do this...all of it...is this beautiful little boy. This picture was taken on Christmas Eve Day, in North Carolina while we were visiting with friends for the holidays. He's the best.