Starting Cardiac Risk Reduction

I went to the first meeting of the Cardiac Risk Reduction Program on Wednesday. I enjoyed it, to be honest...it was purely "me" time...and it felt good to get some exercise and realize that I could still be comfortable doing it (except for some knee/foot pain...I'm going to see about switching to something other than the treadmill next week...either that, or it's time for another cortisone injection in my foot). In the meeting portion afterwards, it was very relieving for me to see that there were others there for pre-op to gastric bypass. I hadn't realized that it wasn't "just me" who the team decided they wanted to have a little more time to evaluate. It made me see that it isn't really about my history as much as I might have thought...and it validated the perspective I was trying to adopt that these are all things that will prepare me better for surgery and post-surgery.

My sleep is definitely better. I've really only had one night in the past week and half or two (since starting the Ambien) that I've been up and stayed up a bit because I couldn't sleep. I also bought some guided meditation CDs that I really like...some are great for before bed, but one of them is for the "busy person" and so each meditation is 10 minutes or less...so I can actually just do one at my desk during lunch if I'm so inclined.

Delays, Delays, Delays

Today, the weight loss surgery team met and discussed my case. They have not outright denied me at this time from having the surgery, but they are delaying me. They want me to participate in the Pre-Op Risk Reduction Program, run by the NSMC Heart and Wellness Center, who also runs the post-operative program I would need to attend as well. It includes nutritional counseling, cognitive strategies, dietary changes, etc.

Because I still have some issues with depression, and am going through a bunch of things to try and resolve that, and one of the biggest issues is my chronic insomnia, they want to make sure my medication is stable/unchanging, and hope that additionally my degree of depression can be lessened. In addition, because of my history of eating disorders, and because as recently as last year I went off a diet (Medifast) cold turkey (after mom died), without transitioning to regular food again, and as a result gained significant weight, they don't feel certain that I wouldn't respond similarly under great stress and eat compulsively. Their concern then becomes "will she overeat beyond the point of pain? Will she rupture her staples and pouch?" It's not that I don't understand their concerns...it just feels very much like having been totally honestly about my past is a penalty. Pat (the coordinator) assured me that it was not...if their answer at this point was an outright no, she could see how I would feel that way...but they aren't saying that.

That's where things stand. I was pretty upset when she told me. The tears wouldn't stop falling and the sobbing took a while to subside, which absolutely stinks when you're at work, trying to keep things quiet because you're in a cube where everyone three rows over can hear you. My boss came by because we were supposed to meet as a team to go over some stuff...I had to apologize and tell him I needed a few minutes. This too shall pass, and I'll be better prepared for all of this anyway.

It is help...not in the exact form I wanted right now, but it will be helpful nonetheless.